Posted on: 05-Mar-2009
Page Views: 1812
What did the Entrepreneur say to the Venture Capitalist? What did the Banker say to the Government bailout official? What’s the true meaning of EBITDA? Why is it that the dead Internet geek didn’t get into Hell or Heaven? A Silicon Valley company and an Asian company decided to have a sailboat race. Installing your own home security system. What’s The meaning of . . . HIPPA-cracy . What was the Doctor thinking? These comments are from real patient charts.
What did the Entrepreneur say to the Venture Capitalist? . . . “Just think, it could be my money!”
What did the Banker say to the Government bailout official? . . . “I’m sure glad it’s not my money!”
What did the Banker say about his bonus check? . . . “I’m sure glad I got it before the buyout!”
What’s the true meaning of EBITDA? It’s Earnings Before I Tricked the Damn Auditors
Why is it that the dead Internet geek didn’t get into Hell or Heaven? While Hell had WiFi, the Devil has assigned a former wireless telecom executive to run it, who charges were on a per-bit-transferred basis. Meanwhile, St. Peter is still trying to get an answer from Heaven’s IT support line.
A Silicon Valley company and an Asian company decided to have a sailboat race across the Pacific. The Asian’s won by hundreds of miles. The Valley Company launched an investigation into the reason for the loss. They found that the Asian company had the CEO in command, the COO steering and eight workers manning the sails. The Valley Company had one on the sails, four in various supervisory positions, three in staff jobs to help the COO steer, and the CEO was busy selling the whole idea to the street.
The board felt that a second opinion was required, so they hired a management consulting group at great expense. The consulting group reorganized the team into the COO in command, four IT services people, five supervisors, and one manning the sails. At the four IT services people were from the consulting group as part of a long term efficiency improvement program, the staff people were let go in a cost cutting move. The CEO was reassigned to selling the new idea to private equity firms.
Next year, the Asian company won by a thousand miles. Humiliated, the management of the Valley company laid off the sailor, fired the management consultants, halted all R&D, cancelled all capital investment plans, and outsourced the third year’s racing team to Asia. Fat bonuses were distributed to the senior executives for all the money saved. Today, this same management team continues to lose races.
Given the times, I thought it would be good to know how to save money by installing your own home security system:
1. Go to the Goodwill Store and buy a pair of men's work boots, size
14-16 (well used).
2. Place them on the front porch along with a copy of Gun and Ammo
3. Put a couple of BIG dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Big Jim, Duke, Slim and Me gone for more ammo. We'll get back in about 1 hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls--they got after the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all the dogs in the house. Better just wait outside til we get back.
What’s The meaning of . . . HIPPA-cracy - the practice of melding privacy fear with money to get politicians to enact laws that make it near impossible for you to get any help in getting your health insurance provider to pay out the benefits they contracted to do.
What was the Doctor thinking? These comments are from real patient charts, written by real health care professionals:
"The lab test indicated abnormal lover function."
"The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately."
"Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized."
"The skin was moist and dry."
"The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."
"She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce."
"The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."
"I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."
"The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week."
"Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles."
"Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation."
"She is numb from her toes down."
"Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot."
"While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead."
"Coming from Detroit, this man has no children."
"When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."
"Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress."
-- anonymous from e-mail
weQuest's are written by G Dan Hutcheson, his career spans more than thirty years, in which he became a well-known as a visionary for helping companies make businesses out of technology. This includes hundreds of successful programs involving product development, positioning, and launch in Semiconductor, Technology, Medicine, Energy, Business, High Tech, Enviorntment, Electronics, healthcare and Business devisions.
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