Why Men Need Space In A Relationship

 Jared Davidson
  May 14, 2018

If you've read John Gray's book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus," then surely remember the term "men’s cave". It’s a place where a man sometimes goes away to rehabilitate himself, settle mind and feelings, and at the same time recall how much he loves his wife.

What is the "Men's Cave" and why does a man need it?
It doesn’t always look like a cave. Most often, this is some kind of hobby outside the home or just a place where he likes to be alone. Of course, we are not talking about brothels and casinos. Rather, it includes fishing with friends, his office and workplace, trips to conferences and business events and even an individual room in the house.

When a man is in crisis, it’s important for him to retire from the world and think all by himself. What do we most often do? Let's be honest. We're trying to get him out of there. Tear him away from the embrace of his cave. Motives can be different:

  • He feels so bad! I have to help him!
  • What if he ceases to love me?
  • His friends have a bad influence on him.
  • I need to know what he thinks.

And so on. In practice, we pursue a man. There are three types of persecution:

Physical. For example: "You're not going anywhere!" Or you can just dog his footsteps, go fishing following him, make a "surprise" flying to his conference, or organize a field kitchen at his work without his consent.

Emotional. "Talk to me! I see that you feel bad! What is the matter? Don't keep silent!" A man won’t calm down, but only get angry.

Moral. Become such an ideal wife that he would never even thought of going somewhere himself. "You can't do this to me! I go all lengths for your sake! And you! It's unfair! It's wrong!"

What will happen to a man if he doesn’t go to the "cave"?

  • He becomes passive. He lies for a long time and does nothing, his enthusiasm and motivation are lost. Why? Because the only motivation for men's actions is love for a woman.
  • He doesn’t feel love for his wife. Because men's love has a cyclic nature. To understand how much he loves his wife, a man needs to miss her. And this is the best way to refresh feelings. Women have a different mechanism - we are always in touch with our feelings, so everything is stable enough for us. A man needs to recall it. Again and again, at least once a month. To tread on air and take on the world, missing his beloved.
  • He becomes irritable and angry. To regain control of himself, a man needs to get his thoughts and feelings in order and recollect himself. And he can do this only alone, in his cave. Sometimes there may be his friends. In fact, this is a collective loneliness.
  • He can find uncivilized forms of escape. Alcohol, drugs, computer games - these are the same ways to the “cave”, but such escape destroys the personality of a man and his family relationships. If there is no other alternative, it will be his final option not to go mad.

In brief, a man who doesn't have enough personal space becomes not only "uncomfortable", but also destructive. He can take it out on his wife or children. After that, he will feel appallingly guilty, which can only increase discomfort. Single ladies online will tell you more information about the most fatal mistakes in relationships and how to avoid them.

Let's talk about what you should do until your loved one is out. There are a lot of options:

  • read your favorite book;
  • watch a movie;
  • make a spring cleaning;
  • chat with friends;
  • invite your friend for a couple of days;
  • visit your parents;
  • go to a beauty salon;
  • participate in a volunteer project;
  • do your hobby;
  • go to a dance or drawing lessons;
  • go shopping and so on.

Finally, let's cherish each other and regard our features and needs with favor. Letting your husband go to the cave, don’t forget to take care of yourself!

Why Men Need Space In A Relationship

Jared Davidson

Hello i am Jared is a psychology and sociology enthusiast, focusing his attention on the problems of interpersonal communication and relationships in the modern society.

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