Posted on: 12-Mar-2009
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Liquidity definitions. What’s the Oldest Profession? So this ion walks into a bar. What’s The meaning of . . . e-Religion. One day there’s this flood. Is there golf in heaven? A man walks into a doctor's office.
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Liquidity: ˈli-kwəd-itie Definitions: 1. Ability to quickly convert in into cash. 2: The ability to cover liabilities quickly with assets. 3: Having wet your pants after looking at the current value your investment portfolio.
Etymology: Middle French liquide, from Latin liquēre to be fluid; From Wall Street liquiditizedus.
Date: Early 21st century
Usage: Please excuse me. I’m having a liquidity problem and need to change my pants.
What’s the Oldest Profession?
Over a drink one evening, this Doctor, Engineer, and IT pro were having a boasting contest over what was the oldest profession. The Doctor said, “Medicine is the oldest profession, because creating Adam and Eve was a masterful feat of medicine.” Then the engineer chimed in, “No Charlie, the first masterful feat had to be engineering. Because before god created Adam and Eve, he had to create the Garden of Eden and the whole universe from the chaos.” Just then June, the IT pro, smiled, kicked back her chair confidently, and said “No you’re both wrong. Clearly the oldest profession must be IT” . . . .
“IT???” Bob and Joe sputtered. “They didn’t even have computers back then.”
June smiled again, “Soooo . . . WHO do you think created the Chaos???”
So this ion walks into a bar and orders a double, slams it down and orders another, which he promptly slams down. So the bartender walks up to pour another and asks, “Hey buddy, you must have had a really rough day, why so negative?” And then the ion replies, ”today . . . I lost an electron” -- anonymous
What’s The meaning of . . . e-Religion - a cult whose origins date back to silicon valley in Y2K where a small but influential group of techno-priests convinced VC's to fund the believe that anything with a small e in front of it was the future and would change the world.
This is one of my personal favorites because there it contains so much wisdom about life:
One day there’s this flood and the town must be evacuated. As the water starts to rise, the Sheriff goes out in a boat to collect all the people who didn’t heed the earlier warnings. As he comes by the church, the preacher is out there on the steps looking at the water below shaking his head. He asks the preacher to please get in the boat, but the preacher says, “No son, the lord will protect me!” The next day, the Sheriff comes by and now the water’s over the steps. The first floor has been flooded. He calls out for the preacher, pleading with him to get in the boat. But the preacher repeats, “No son, the lord will protect me!” On the third day, the Sheriff comes by and now the water’s so high, that only the steeple can be seen. Clinging to it for dear life is this very same stubborn preacher, who before he can say anything, reaffirms his faith, “No son, I won’t go today either. The lord will protect me!”
On the fourth day, the Sheriff comes by and now the water’s over the steeple the preacher is nowhere to be seen. At that moment, the preacher has just passed through the gates of heaven, sees god and rushes over to give him a word or two, “Lord, I’ve been faithful all my life; took care of my flock and your house; and drowning is what I get?” God answers, “Give me a break, I sent the boat to save you three times!”
Two 90-year-old men, Bill and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Bill visits him every day.
One day Bill says, "Joe, we both loved golf all our lives, and we’ve played together for so many years. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's Golf there."
Joe looks up at Bill from his deathbed, "Bill, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."
Shortly after that, Joe passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Bill is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Bill, Bill."
"Who is it?" asks Bill, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Bill -- it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice.
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In Heaven," replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," says Bill.
"The good news," Joe says, "is that there's Golf in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play Golf all we want and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," says Bill. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"
"You're tee time is this Tuesday."
A man walks into a doctor's office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
weQuest's are written by G Dan Hutcheson, his career spans more than thirty years, in which he became a well-known as a visionary for helping companies make businesses out of technology. This includes hundreds of successful programs involving product development, positioning, and launch in Semiconductor, Technology, Medicine, Energy, Business, High Tech, Enviorntment, Electronics, healthcare and Business devisions.
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